New York, NY, February 1, 1999 - Want to rekindle the romance in your marriage this Valentine’s Day? Forgo the chocolates and the roses and give something that will really be appreciated - a little help around the house. A new survey released today by The Soap and Detergent Association (SDA) reveals that cleaning is a major source of friction between couples and it shouldn’t just be swept under the rug.
According to the SDA’s National Cleaning Survey of married and living as married men and women, almost half of all couples fight about cleaning. The arguments range from who should do the cleaning (27%) to how frequently the cleaning should be done (24%). Still other couples (20%) disagree about the quality of the cleaning.
“The key to a happy and harmonious relationship is compromise, compromise, compromise,” says Sandra Beckwith, author of “Why Can’t A Man Be More Like A Woman” and creator of the Do(o)little Report, which takes a lighthearted look at male behavior. “Whether it’s grocery shopping or cleaning the home, couples need to agree on their roles and responsibilities.”
And, judging from the SDA survey, there’s a long way to go to equality. Women report they do 79% of the housework, compared to 35% for the men. Remarkably, one-quarter of the men surveyed said they can’t handle a single cleaning task from cleaning the bathroom to doing the laundry better than their partner.
“Men and women just don’t notice dirt the same way,” explained Beckwith. “Women more often understand the value of thorough cleaning to get rid of dirt and germs, while men see no problem in cutting corners to achieve the appearance of clean.”
The SDA survey found that the most common cleaning complaints among couples with complaints include vacuuming and dusting around items instead of moving them (41%); not cleaning up after using the kitchen (39%) or bathroom (38%); and leaving streaks on windows and mirrors (24%). When half-hearted cleaning doesn’t get to the true grit and grime, the result can be wheezing, sneezing, unidentifiable odors and worse - none of which contribute to a warm and cozy relationship.
According to Beckwith, recognizing that men and women look at housework differently can help bring couples closer to a cleaning compromise. For instance, “men need to add the word volunteer to their vocabulary and women need to lower their expectations just a little,” says Beckwith. “Even if it’s not the way a woman might do it, she needs to realize that at least the job is getting done. You can always work together on perfecting it later.”
Beckwith thinks letting a man do the chores he excels at could also encourage greater housework equality. The SDA survey found that nearly one-quarter of men say that they’re better at vacuuming than their mates, and almost one in five men claim they wash dishes better. Conversely, when women were asked what tasks they do better than the men in their lives, nearly four times as many women than men said they excel at laundry.
Fortunately, the longer couples stay together, the wiser they become about trusting their partner’s cleaning competency. Couples over the age of 55 are likely to rate their own skills on par with their mates’ and are least likely to fight about cleaning. Young newlyweds 18-24, however, are most likely to have such arguments (34% vs. 59%).
In addition, household arguments arise when the pitter-patter of little feet is included in the mix, presumably because of added cleaning tasks. Fifty-five percent of couples with children in the household argue over cleaning, compared to only 38% of households without children.
Beckwith advises to work out cleaning differences:
COMMUNICATE - Communication is essential in any relationship. Coming together to discuss problems is particularly useful when it is constructive. Don’t tell your partner “I hate it when you….” Instead be positive, for example, “It would really help if you could move the kitchen table and vacuum up the dust and food crumbs.” Clear the air, literally and figuratively.
DEMONSTRATE - Don’t assume your partner knows what good cleaning is. Point out that the green stuff growing in the shower is not part of a botany experiment, but mildew that may actually be contributing to his allergies. Then show how using a product designed to remove mildew will get rid of it.
COMPLIMENT - Be supportive of his cleaning efforts and you may see some more help. Suggest, for example, that cleaning the kitchen counter after doing the dishes is an easy way to complete the great job he’s done.
REWARD - Give a reason to clean. Allow your partner a night out with friends or suggest dinner and a movie together if there are no tee-shirts to wash or sheets to change when Saturday night comes. That way, you both win - and the housework gets done.
The 1999 SDA National Cleaning Survey, which included telephone interviews with a national sample of approximately 573 adult Americans, 18 years and older, was conducted by Opinion Research Corporation International.
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